- NVC festival in Paris- A Franco-Indian Connection.
- NVC and ANGER- article published in Guardian health Chronicle.
- Happenings in Northern Circle by Chitra.
- Happenings in Southern Circle by L’aura
- NVC and transformation- report from Srilanka.
So enjoy reading…..Aniruddha
Franco-Indian Connection
NVC festival in Paris & presentation by Institute of NVC, India (INVCI)
Dear Friends,
Greetings to all of you! You may have noticed that our initials have changed – we
are now registered as the “Institute of Nonviolent Communication,
India.” The
Board made this decision based on the experiences the French NVC Association
had with Sociocracy, which led them to form a separate Institute
dedicated to training future trainers. Our Institute will group all our activities
together, and our new website will be up within a few weeks. Look out for www.invci.org,
and we will also keep you posted on any updates!
This second newsletter comes with tons of things
we would like to share, and we’re hoping to be able to fit in all the
exciting news!
We’d like to start by sharing about Aniruddha’s trip to Paris.
Our General Manager was invited by the French Association (Association pour
la Communication NonViolente or ACNV) to attend their first-ever NVC Festival
in Paris on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd of May.
The festivities started with a picnic at the Parc de la Villette, where 80
people attended, and which was followed by a full day of Open Space workshops
at the Forum, a training centre that the Association rented out for the day.
It was exciting to arrive at the Forum, with the buzz, the connections, the
individual warm welcomes, the various stands set up to promote NVC for practitioners
and non-practitioners alike. Several two-hour workshops were planned, including
NVC Introductions, NVC and Aikido, NVC and Mediation, Drawing and NVC, and
many more… As you can imagine, we were torn trying to decide
which to attend!
After much hesitation, we (Aniruddha and Saleem) finally chose to attend
a session run by Françoise Keller on NVC in the Business World. Although
we mourn not having been able to attend all the ones we would have liked,
we were enriched by what Françoise offered – a workshop that
we found empowering, creative and full of simple and effective ideas on how
to bring NVC into a business environment.
Our big moment was yet to come! At 7p.m. Aniruddha was scheduled to make
a two-hour presentation on the developments of NVC in India since his last
visit to Paris two years ago. We had both imagined about 50 participants – and
we realized the day before that there would actually be 200! The room was
so full that we were asked to make the presentation on top of a table so
that the participants at the back could see us!
After the traditional and warm welcome à la française by
François Dusson, ACNV’s President, Aniruddha in turn offered
a shawl to François as a gift of gratitude from NVC practitioners
in India. We are rejoicing, through this symbolic gesture, our deepening
Franco-Indian connection!
The highlight for all of us, and the joy of living moment by moment, came
when Aniruddha shared that it was his wife Suchita’s birthday that
day and that he was missing her. Someone in the audience spontaneously suggested
we all make a call to India. In next to no time, 200 members of the audience
were singing Happy Birthday to Suchita in English and in French through a
mobile connection! Suchita, who was in bed, (it was past midnight Indian
time) was in shock, as you can imagine!
The presentation, translated by Saleem, was a moving experience for many,
as they discovered our various projects in India, ranging from work in the
slums to bringing NVC to NGOs. Many people expressed, sometimes with tears,
how deeply moved and inspired they were to hear Aniruddha, and how meaningful
and empowering they find our work. We were both deeply touched by the numerous
feedbacks we received. 
The presentation was followed by a Gujarati dinner (dhokla, jalebi, palak
paneer, alu mutter, roti and more), and with the 150 people present, we recreated
the familiar Indian scene of eating on the floor and any vacant corner in
the Forum’s lobby. We loved the atmosphere, the connections, and all
the various reactions and expressions of support for our projects in India.
We ended the evening with swinging Bollywood hip-jerks, as well as fun, laughter
and joy. Many are now rehearsing their ‘thumkas’ (Hindi
for hip-jerk), and we’re hoping that a new trend will start among French
NVC practitioners …
A lot of people expressed a desire to attend our International Convention
in Rishikesh in February 2010. We are celebrating the strong bonds that are
now emerging between our two organizations!
On Sunday, May 3rd we attended ACNV’s General Assembly meeting, where
we experienced Sociocracy first-hand (which we are also implementing in India).
It was also a unique opportunity to discover, thanks to Véronique
Brusorio, a group facilitation technique called ‘World Café,’ which
we both found very inspiring and empowering.
All in all, this has been a memorable experience for both of us – our
needs for fun, connection, inspiration, support, encouragement and learning
have been met beyond our wildest dreams.
We’d like to express our deep gratitude to the French Association,
and in particular to the organizers of this event (too many to name individually),
and to François Dusson and Béatrix Piedtenu for their constant
support and encouragement for the work we’re doing in India.
With warm greetings,
Aniruddha and Saleem
NVC and ANGER- article published in Guardian Health Chronicle.
Manage your rage- Interview with Aniruddha:
Forget increments and incentives; the news of pink slips being given
can be heard everywhere. The water cooler talk dwells on who is next on
the firing line. Many have been asked to leave. Naturally, in uncertain
such times tempers fly at the slightest provocation and rage takes over
at work, on roads, and at home. There is a solution to this.
Anger breeds anger both at home and work, which spoils your relationships, affects your health and makes you a monster which you’re not. When expressed on the road it turns fatal. Is there an escape? Surely, there is one in the form of nonviolent communication which lets you express your feelings without hurting feelings of others and this way you’re more in control, without feeling guilty.
Marshall Rosenberg, founder and director of Educational Services for the
Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) has put forth a theory called
Nonviolent Communication. Founded in 1984, CNVC has now grown into a non-profit
organisation with more than 100 trainers across the globe. These trainers
provide training in 30 countries in North America, Europe, Asia, the Middle
East and Africa. One of the two certified trainers for Southeast Asia Aniruddha
Gadankush, who belongs to Pune, explains the crux of non-violent communication.
Aniruddha got introduced to NVC in the year 2002. It was after three years
that he became a certified trainer. In an informal chat Aniruddha explains
ways to cage our rage.
GHC: Why do we become angry and how NVC will help us manage anger?
AG: Every human being has a basic universal need for understanding, to express
and to be heard.
If these basic needs to express and to be heard are not met then the only
way they know is to raise their voice, to become angry and even if this doesn’t
work then they bring out their ultimate weapon-violence.
That’s where NVC comes into play. Rather than focusing one’s attention on who is right and who is wrong, and judging and blaming others, nonviolent communication helps you to focus on the ‘FEELINGS’ and ‘NEEDS’ of others and yourself. Thus bringing in the harmony and understanding we all are looking for. It all sounds simple but when it comes to practice it is unbelievably difficult because you need to open your heart to receive the other person. That’s why NVC is also called ‘Language of heart’.
When you are angry you are disconnected from your heart and the head takes over. The head starts looking for why things went wrong. Whose fault it is? The more you get entangled in your thoughts the more painful it is and you become angrier. The voice becomes louder and the adrenalin starts pumping into the blood stream.
GHC: Sane people transform into wild-haired monsters screaming at the highest pitch of their voices, when they are angry. Why so?
AG: One day a wise old Zen master explained to his disciples, ‘why people shout at each other when they are upset and angry?' 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts are disconnected and the hearts move away from each other. In order to reach out to the other heart they have to shout. The angrier they are, the stronger they have to shout.’ Then the Zen master asked, 'What happens when two people are in deep love?
A lot is expressed and said without saying a single word. In those moments of great silence the hearts are very close to each other, there is the feeling of oneness.
GHC: How to transform your anger through NVC?
AG: Anger is a feeling, and feelings are result of what you see, hear, think or say to yourself. For instance in any given situation you might be saying to yourself;
-
He is the most irresponsible person I have ever seen.
-
He is so stubborn that he never listens.
-
It’s no point talking to him. He is never going to change.
-
People are lazy; they don’t want to work.
-
My parents will never understand me, there is such a big generation gap.
So in the above sentences what we are hearing is evaluation, interpretation, blame and judgments. It is a vicious circle. The more you dwell on this kind of thought form, the more upset, irritated and angry you get. And if you express these thoughts to the other person in a loud voice, then the other person also gets disconnected and becomes angry or goes into his protective shell to protect himself.
So what’s the break through? Rather than blaming and judging the other person, first take a deep breath and connect with your heart and check what are you ‘feeling’ in that particular moment and what are you ‘needing’? May be you are feeling upset and angry and you need some understanding, respect, authenticity, commitment and freedom to make your own choices.
The moment you are connected to your needs, you can see magic taking place and the feelings of anger transform. You can feel the calm and lightness within. This calmness gives you the clarity to think straight. The next step then is to find a concrete action to meet your need. In NVC this concrete action is called making request to yourself or to the other person.
GHC: How to express your anger more fully without disconnecting the other person?
AG: Step one: first express the observation without evaluation, judgment
or blame. Say what you saw, heard, and imagined which triggered anger in
you.
Step two: express your feelings.
Step three: express your unmet need or needs.
Step four: say one concrete action you can take NOW to meet your need.
So in any given situation you have the choice, ‘to connect’ or ‘to disconnect’. The choice is your.
Happenings in Northern Circle by-Chitra.
Mediation and Conflict Resolution for Community Women in Delhi.
We
offered a 3-hour Introductory NVC Workshop for women in Vikasini’s
Mahila Panchayat Programme, a community redressal group that deals with domestic
violence. Thirty-five women attended the workshop, 20 of which had attended
Aniruddha’s NVC Workshop when he visited Delhi last year.
The session began with an ice-breaking exercise and self-introductions. The participants were asked to share their names backwards. So, for example, Kanta would be Tanka. This exercise comes from Nada Ignjatovic’s book, “Smile Keepers.” The participants laughed and enjoyed calling each other by their reverse-names.
In the next round, the participants were asked to close their eyes and recall a situation, event or person that triggered anger in them. They were asked to recall how they felt in their bodies and in their minds. They then shared their experiences, and most of them recalled family situations as triggering anger. This exercise helped the participants to feel connected with each other.
In the next round, we introduced the 4 components of NVC: Observation, Feeling, Need and Request, and in groups of 4, they practiced using them in real-life situations. After 15 minutes, each group demonstrated their learning to the rest of the participants. They all enjoyed playing the jackal and found it hard to shift to the language of the heart.
By the end of the workshop, the women were celebrating their learning and embraced the wonderful spirit of NVC consciousness. They understood what it meant to experience beauty from within. These women were amazed, and they experienced so much healing as they got in touch with their feelings and needs, since they had been socialized and educated to not pay attention to their feelings. They experienced deep connection with themselves and each other, and they were grateful for the learning and growth.
Chitra
Regional Manager North India
Happenings in Southern Circle by-L’aura.
The seed was planted, and now a tree is flowering…
When
Aniruddha first visited Auroville in August 2007, he said that he was planting
a precious seed in our garden. I’m absolutely celebrating
how his gift was received, and that the Universe heard his gentle request
for the seed to be watered and taken care of.
Now, almost two years later, Aniruddha’s gift has grown and branched out
into a blossoming tree… One of these flower blossoms is our new
Southern Circle.
Last November, INVCI nominated three Regional Managers (North, Central and South),
with the request that we put our newly-learned Sociocracy skills to the test! Our
first goal was to create 3 Regional Circles and to then allow other circles to
form organically.
With my love of NVC and with Auroville being a mini NVC hub, I was so excited
to contribute my energy and enthusiasm in this direction. On April 25th,
a group of us met at my house in Auroville (Angela from Auroville, Archana, Jyoti
and Shyla from Chennai, Karthik from a nearby-village, Samy from Madurai, and
myself). In addition to reviewing the basics of Sociocracy and INVCI’s
present structure and vision and mission, we all shared how NVC has impacted
our lives and how we’d like to contribute to sharing NVC in southern India
(Tamil Nadu, Kerala, Goa, Karnataka and Andra Pradesh). Our aspirations
ranged from sharing NVC in villages, schools, jails and businesses, to starting
up support groups, and deepening our own personal practice.
We are now in regular contact with each other, and we plan to meet again next
month. My hope is that as we grow and learn together, we’ll be able
to plant more seeds and watch them grow up to be as beautiful and strong as Aniruddha’s
first blossoming tree.
L’aura Joy
Regional Manager, South India
NVC and transformation- success stories from Srilanka.
Success stories:
Mrs. Lourdes Williams Director of Centre for Communication
(CCT) shares and celebrates with us two success stories.
We would like to celebrate two stories of change with you in order to highlight the contribution of CCT has made to build positive relationships in communities, in homes and in individuals.
Transformation in the life of a Principal:
I am a husband and a father of a six year old child.
My wife is a teacher too and I am a Principal of a school. My only
thought was about my school and as a result I spent longer hours in school
rather
than at home. I took my wife for granted expecting her to run
the
home as I believed that was it was her duty. Though we were married
for sixteen years we had no time for socializing or visiting our parents. We
were both like strangers but living under the same roof.
My first NVC training organised by CCT opened
my eyes to recognize the value of transforming the jackal belief with the
living energy of needs. I
began to see the needs of my wife who for the past many years was silently
suffering her pain. I went home with the determination to have a communication
that would help me to recognize her needs. I began to see the change, there
was a sparkle in her eyes and both of us felt very joyful. It was
the best thing that could have happened in our lives
Connection and understanding makes the difference:
As trainers we observed one participant behaving in manner that was disturbing. She would try various ways of trying to attract our attention. During the lunch break we casually spoke with her about the training and how she was feeling about the sessions. After sometime we observed her talking to us more freely. At the next session she was more settled.
When we met her at the next training she was totally a different person. We feel it was the way we connected with her by providing a combination of empathy and listening gave her the confidence that it was safe.
About CCT: CCT
is a local NGO in Srilanka, working to promote Nonviolent Communication as
a tool for conflict transformation. The
directors of CCT represent the four major religious and ethnic backgrounds
with several years of active engagement in promoting peace and reconciliation
in Sri Lanka.
CCT works in several parts of the Island and since its inception has trained
a number of students, teachers and principals of schools, religious leaders,
police officers and personnel from the NGO Community. CCT also works
in conflict affected communities in the
North and east and among the plantation communities in the Central hills of Sri
Lanka.
Besides doing the training in the local languages CCT also undertake field visits to communities in order to see for ourselves the progress the trainees had made to bring about a change in themselves and most importantly in their homes, school and at community levels. These visits give us a sense of satisfaction to witness the success of our work.
